I was about two-thirds of the way through a story about zombies when somebody told me there were no zombies in the bibles. And that was the moment that I realized that my biblical scholarship was lacking and I had to start doing some actual research because that's what adults do when they're writing a historical document.
No zombies in the bible? Then what the hell was Lazarus?
He was a zombie?
He was a dead guy walking around. According to most definitions of zombism, I think that counts.
There was no brain eating though. That's what most people associate with zombies.
I always thought Holy Communion had some zombie elements to it. "This is my body broken for you." You're basically eating human flesh. What zombie wouldn't love that?
Yeah, yeah, I guess. That's one way to get kids to start reading their bibles, huh? When I was doing research on the bible, I found this old book from the 20s called The Bible Unmasked. The premise was basically that the bible is a filthy book and it isn't something we should be teaching our kids. It was basically out-puritanicaling the bible. It was filled with very lascivious pictures of women gyrating around half-naked and the author was just outraged by it. I thought, what a great way to get kids to want to pick up a bible.
Yendo Jesús a Jerusalén, pasaba entre Samaria y Galilea. Al entrar en una aldea, le salieron al encuentro diez hombres leprosos, los cuales se pararon de lejos [porque eran impuros, leprosos y contagiosos] y alzaron la voz, diciendo: "¡Jesús, Maestro, ten misericordia de nosotros!". Cuando él los vio, les dijo: "Id, mostraos a los sacerdotes". Y aconteció que, mientras iban, quedaron limpios. Entonces uno de ellos, viendo que había sido sanado, volvió glorificando a Dios a gran voz y se postró a sus pies dándole gracias. Este era samaritano. Jesús le preguntó: "¿No son diez los que han quedado limpios? Y los nueve, ¿dónde están? ¿No hubo quien volviera y diera gloria a Dios sino este extranjero?" Y le dijo: "Levántate, vete; tu fe te ha salvado".
Moraleja, hay que estar agradecidos con Dios. Otra moraleja: a veces uno llega con mente morbosa a la Biblia, pero acontece que aprende importantes moralejas en el camino y queda limpio.